© 2018 by Grace Ritter

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RECIPE: Shredded Self-Esteem With Slowly Cooked Beauty Ideals

The perfect recipe for systemic exploitation of women (but getting popular with the lads too!)


· a history of oppression*

· 1 Body Mass Index (BMI), spread liberally through health system

· 1000s of young, white, able-bodied models

· diet plans which promote starvation and impair critical thinking skills, popularised

· gruelling exercise regimes, joy removed

· large dollop of body shame (organically made from false moral superiority and fat jokes)

· sprinkle of nutritional studies funded by diet companies, accepted as gospel

· photoshop, for serving


1. Prepare self-esteem by ensuring it is tied to appearance. Crush a person's other achievements if they are not attractive enough to make them worth celebrating.

2. Measure health of all people against the BMI. Make sure to start this while they are young and fresh. Arbitrarily alter the BMI criteria in 1998: this will class 25 million Americans as 'overweight' overnight.

3. Blend weight with beauty ideals until stiff standards form. Pulverise any disgruntled

critics by declaring them unhealthy, hysterical or bitter.

4. Mix all ingredients together and stew for a century or two. For best results, rotate beauty ideals semi-regularly and ensure they are increasingly unattainable over time. Cook until beauty ideals can be moulded to your liking and then serve generously in all forms of media.

* Note: Although it's delicious in all seasons, this recipe is best

when prepared in response to the achievements of second-wave